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August 19 2005

Hello good people,

Today we will re-visit another chapter dealing with the road. As some of you know, when not working with Bruce Hornsby and The Noisemakers, I work with other groups. This time I am on the road with Gladys Knight and The Pips. We are in Nassau, Bahamas. Some of you know the drummer in this tale.

Land Richards played with Bruce for a short time after Mike Baker and before Bonnie B. Land is a great drummer and is on the live Noisemakers CD.

Land and I worked with Gladys for nine years. We became more like brothers than friends and play golf everyday when we are not on the road. I tell you this to let you know that I totally trust Land.:-)

We are in the Bahamas. We have only one show, but we are there for 5 days. A working vacation, yes! I don’t swim. I hate the beach :-) Each day is paradise, but not for me. I cannot think of a more boring time for me. I walk around the island looking for a baskeball court. I cannot find one. I look for a baseball diamond. It’s way too hot and humid. What to do? I know! I will call Land and see if he wants to rent mopeds.

"That’s a great idea!" says Land. So we are off. We find the right guy. We need two mopeds for the day. The price is right and we start riding. The ride is boring and we are looking for some excitement. Wait! We find a soccer field. But, this is not your ordinary soccer field. This one is not just flat. The sides of the field are raised, so that people watching are sitting higher than the playing field. It looks like a stadium with grass all the way around. The playing field is 60 to 70 feet below the top of the sitting area. Land says to me, “Let’s ride down to the bottom”. I don’t know why this sounded like a good idea. But I say, “You first”.

There was a group of kids playing near that heard the conversation. They run over to warn us of the danger we were facing. One of the kids asks us not to do it. "My brother broke his arm doing this", he says.

Now at this point, you would think that we would back down. We should, but we don’t. "Go away", I say. "You don’t know us".

"Please", the kid says as he slowly backs away.

Land starts his moped, and he is off. I watch with excitement as he makes it to the bottom. Now it is my turn. I start my moped, feeling the mighty rumble of the motor. I am now Eveil Knievel. I am about to jump 25 cars. This is going to be easy. After all Land made it :-)

I start my way down. I immediately feel that something is wrong. I am going way to fast and the ride is really bumpy. With each bump I am thrown from the seat, much like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. What the heck was I thinking? This is not going at all like I thought. The moped is going faster, and I am out of control. Boy, it sure did not look so steep when we were at the top. Everytime I come down, my hand is on the accelerator. The beast keeps getting faster. I think to myself, "You are an idiot, and you look like an idiot" :-) Here I am being thrown around by a moped while everyone is watching. I need to do something fast before I break my neck. I know, I will jump from this monster before I kill myself. I start a silent count. 1…2….3 JUMP!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am in the air wondering how I got myself into this. Oh, why did I listen to Land? I hit the ground, Bam! And now I am rolling. Dirt is in my mouth, my clothes are torn, grass is in my hair (I had really long hair then). The moped is now rolling in the other direction. It must have funny to all watching. After what seemed like years, I stop moving. I do a quick body check. Whew! No broken bones.

Land and the kids coming running to check on me. Land (my boy) is laughing his ass off. The kids keep saying, "we told you not to do it". I am embarrassed. Wait, where is the moped? "Over here!" a kid shouts.

There it is, the beast that caused this problem is in worse shape than me. The handle bars are bent, the mirrow is torn off. The front wheel is bent and no longer aligned with the handle bars. And worst of all, I now have to push this thing back to the rental dude :-( This is not my idea of a good time. Paradise, Smaradise! What I am going to tell rental dude? Well, I’ve got 1 hour to think of a good story (lie).

It is hot and humid, and I am pushing a moped with Land riding beside me, telling me all that I did wrong coming down the hill. I just want to get to my room and shower.

We finally get to rental dude. "What happened?" he asks... I should tell him the truth, I think to myself... "The brakes went out", is what came out of my mouth (I don’t want to pay for this moped). I don’t know if he really believed my story, but I did not have to pay for the moped. I spent the rest of my Bahamas vacation walking. No more damn mopeds for me ever :-)

Land still laughs at me to this day. Sometimes too much time on your hands while on the road is not a good thing.

Take care, I’ll see ya soon

Peace JV;-)