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July 23rd 2005

Well, today is another show day and I am getting excited about the gig tonight. I was going to talk about my day off, but after getting quite a few questions about the "menacing sand crabs", I felt the need to explain the origin of my fears:-} Must I relive this horrible time? Oh! alright.

Back in the late 90's I was hired by Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. from the band The 5th Dimension to do a 6 week gig in Hawaii. Now, I was never a big fan of swimming or the water. In fact, whenever I look at a body of water all I see is Jaws, Godzilla and a giant octopus:-o ... and I did not want to become their next victim. But that's another story for another time. Whenever I spoke to my friends and family on the main land I would catch a lot of heat for not taking advantage of paradise. People would say things like "I can't believe that you are in paradise and won't go to the beach", and worse. After days of verbal abuse I bow to the pressure and decide that my friends are right. What kind of person goes to paradise to sit in the condo watching TV and practicing? I will tell you what kind later in the story;-{

Now I start telling myself that there is nothing to worry about. You don't have to get in the water, that's where the real danger is. Just chill on the beach with a couple of beers and everything will be fine. I walk to the beach feeling good about myself and thinking of everyone I will call and tell of my great time on the beach of paradise. Now to find a good spot, aah! yes. Here is the perfect spot, far enough from the water that Godzilla cannot reach out and drag me into the ocean.

I pop open a beer and stare out at ocean wondering what the big deal is:-} And I see movement on the ground about 25 feet in front of me. What the heck is that? The sand is moving! The hair on my arms are standing at attention and my body is on full alert. And then I see it. Only one eye at first and then a second, and they are not looking in the same direction! Yuck!!!!! No one told about this. Wait, it's coming in my direction. Shoo! Shoo! I say. But, not too loud because there are people around and I don't want to look like an idiot. I know what I will do, I will scare it with a rock. I find a couple of rocks and throw them. The sand crab keeps coming. Damn! I need more rocks, and I need them now. This thing is coming fast and I need to stop it.

I run around like a fool gathering a pile of rocks as the ugly little crab tries to figure out what I am up to. No doubt thinking that I am a dummy. Again the crab starts for me. I throw more rocks. Yippee! A direct hit. He's dead (at least that's what I thought). That will teach him to mess with me. I go back to my beer feeling like a king, I am Tarzan, Hercules or somebody strong.:-} But I also keep checking the body of the crab just to be sure things are cool. Almost five minutes later I think it's moving. No way! Nothing could survive a direct hit from my mighty right arm. But yes, it is moving and it's not happy at all. And he is not alone anymore. The sand crab has called for help and they are not happy with me. Just imagine 10 to 15 sand crabs with their funny little eyes looking at you with anger in them. And then it happens, they all start coming for me and I don't have enough rocks or a good enough aim to handle this situation. I know what to do, run, pick up your s@#$ and get the heck out. So that's what I did. They can have this beach and any other:-} Now some who read this might think I am making it up, but I promise this is a true story.

I still believe that there are dangers in the water, Jaws, Godzilla and the rest. But the real danger is on the beach, those damn sand crabs and a menace to you beach going folk. I for one will not become a victim:-}

And now you know.

Peace, JV:-}